For my whole life, I've been an "artist." As I grew up, this identity began to define me more and more. I would make drawings for every friend's birthday. I would make handmade cards for all relatives. I spent almost all my free time practicing art and teaching myself color theory and sketching out new ideas. And then I stopped.
There are a few reasons I can point to as the reason why I burnt out with "typical" art — traditional and digital drawing, mostly. The pandemic gave me a lot of time to think about what it is I really enjoy, and I started realizing maybe I didn't enjoy it so much as I enjoyed having a way to express myself. I tried writing fiction and poetry and journal entries, and it just wasn't as satisfying or emotionally fulfilling.
Art wasn't fun anymore. It felt like a chore, a necessary evil to get all the thoughts and feelings in my head into the world. I often complained that it felt like I had no choice but to draw.
I also started teaching myself HTML during the COVID-19 lock-downs in the United States. I've wanted to make a website as long as I've been using a computer — most of my life — but coding seemed too daunting, too serious. There was too much I would have to know in order to start, and it was intimidating. But, well, quarantine gave me a lot of time, and the amateur, colorful, imperfect websites I saw on Neocities showed me that maybe my coding knowledge didn't have to be perfect in order to be worthy of a website. I had built up this idea of a "website" in my head as something that had to be complete, professional, and technically complex in order to be worthy of the space it took up on the web. Personal websites felt so much freer than I expected from anything on the internet in 2020.
I look at websites as a form of art. Not everybody does fun graphic design, has writing that speaks from their soul, or pushes the boundaries of CSS. But I feel like there's a lot you can tell about a person by the choices they make — or don't make. How do they organize their code? What sorts of things do they prioritize? Where did they get that widget from, or those graphics? Do I recognize that layout? Do I know the person they mentioned in that blog post?
Similar to how we can look at a painting and draw conclusions based on the strokes, the tools, and the colors, I think there is much to be gleaned from somebody's personal website. So many artists prioritize galleries or hand-drawn assets. Many people who made websites as children are only now getting back into it, still using archaic CSS strategies that have become depreciated over time. It is a form of expression often overlooked when discussing “art” and “self-expression.”
How many people believe they simply cannot express themselves because they are not satisfied with anything they draw or write? I have so many friends who have become disillusioned with the idea of art in general when it is their particular medium giving them so much trouble. There’s no shame in switching methods or mediums! And I think coding a website is just as valid a medium for expression as painting, sketching, sculpting, and writing are.
Code is like a puzzle. If I type in a specific way, a specific thing will appear on my webpage. I know, without fail, that if I apply a color to a class, everything with that class assigned will become that color. And if it doesn't, it is a matter of figuring out why. I do not have to build muscle memory or rely on subjective judgements to figure out why something did not come out how I expected. Sure, design and coming up with unique layouts takes creativity and skill, but if I see a layout that I enjoy, I can investigate the code and see exactly how they did it. I know if I copy and paste that code, it will look just the same on my end.
In contrast, the skill and practice required of art tends to frustrate me when I need the expression the most. It takes a lot of repetition to gain the muscle memory required to sketch out complex shapes quickly, and figuring out lighting and coloring requires a good eye. When you are trying to fix an art piece and make it look how you want, the things required to achieve that can be subjective. If I have an image in my head I want to convey, putting it into words or drawings may not always be exactly how I want. When I’m coding, if there is a very specific look I want to convey, I only need to write the correct lines of code. There is no subjectivity- if something does not look right, I can fix it and troubleshoot until it is exactly how I want. Problems can be solved, and that’s satisfying! That is so much more rewarding to me than fiddling with the anatomy of an arm until it looks “good enough”.
It is a different form of expression, for sure, but it is one all the same. I think building my website little by little and creating a space that is wholly mine — with all its imperfections — has been just as rewarding to me as drawing was back when I enjoyed it. If something is frustrating me with a webpage, it is almost entirely logistical. If I can't figure out the bug, I can ask for help and somebody else will, and that's not a subjective point of view that I may disagree with. If my layout is not working, there is a reason, and that reason can be sniffed out and fixed.
Perhaps that is too utilitarian an approach for something as nebulous as "self-expression" or “art.” This is not to dismiss the unique benefits that more typical forms of art, such as drawing and writing, can have. Coding really can’t scratch the same itch as scribbling angrily on a page or mindlessly doodling in my notebook! I still draw from time to time, but now, if I have feelings or ideas that I feel compelled to convey, I don't have to frustrate myself over a skill that I feel will never be “good enough.” I can change my layout, or add some graphics, or write a blog post with more styling and connection to my other work than anything else I've written. And, if I really want to, I can show my other art off on my website; there is no dichotomy between "art" and "website." They can build on each other and inspire each other. Finding inspiration in one medium can further my excitement about the other. I recently redid my website to have a hand-drawn picture of myself instead of a photograph, and a hand-drawn site logo – that’s fun! That’s satisfying! The unique texture of a paper drawing pasted onto a webpage can only be achieved by the synthesis of multiple art forms!
So many websites have inspired me to pursue new ways of showing off the sort of person I am and who I want to become. nuvema.neocities.org is another collector’s site that made me realize that people actually still have websites showing off their collections! I hadn’t even considered that as an option, but I love to organize and display my various items, so it really made me want to give this medium a shot. cinni.net is also so iconic, I remember being absolutely shocked when I first came across it in 2020. I wish to someday have something so cohesive, aesthetically pleasing, and me. asters-asterisms.neocities.org is also such an incredible expression of who they are and what they enjoy, and it always gives me ideas for new things to share about myself and express on my website.
The web is such an underappreciated method for self-expression, and I don't think that's fair. All personal websites, even those with minimal styling and little information about their authors, convey intent and feelings and ideas just as well as other mediums. I feel as if the rise of social media and corporate-backed online hubs has made us forget how expressive the internet can really be. A webpage can be such a versatile audiovisual medium! When you’re not confined into the templates given by the same few companies, it becomes easier and easier to see the potential the web really has. It becomes easier to see what a beautiful, fascinating method of self- expression a website can truly be. I am so glad to have stumbled into this hobby, and to have seen all the incredible sites I have so far. It has given me fulfillment in a way I was sorely lacking — I hope that it can continue to do the same for others.
Jay is a polymer engineering student from the northeast US. They started making websites during lockdown in 2020, and their website is their pride and joy: transrats.neocities.org.
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